Lesson For Today (3)
3:35 AM There are over 6,874,988,830 people in our world. With every letter i type, someone will die. And with every sentence i finish, someone will be born. that is the beauty of this place, our home we call “Earth”; It’s ability to create, to recycle, and to destroy. It is this that connects us- “To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically, and to the rest of the universe, atomically.” Every piece of you comes from someone else, and that someone else comes from you. Sometimes we’re on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it.
“A woman in Paris was on her way to go shopping, but she had forgotten her coat, went back to get it. When she had gotten her coat, the phone had rung, so she’d stopped to answer it, talked for a couple of minutes. While the woman was on the phone, Daisy was rehearsing for a performance at the Paris Opera House. And while she was rehearsing, the woman, off the phone now, had gone outside to get a taxi. Now, a taxi driver had dropped off a fare earlier and had stopped to get a cup of coffee. And all the while, Daisy was rehearsing. And this cab driver, who dropped off the earlier fare, who’d stopped to get the cup of coffee, had picked up the lady who was going to shopping, and had missed getting an earlier cab. The taxi had to stop for a man crossing the street, who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did, because he forgot to set off his alarm. While that man, late for work, was crossing the street, Daisy had finished rehearsing, and was taking a shower. And while Daisy was showering, the taxi was waiting outside a boutique for the woman to pick up a package, which hadn’t been wrapped yet, because the girl who was supposed to wrap it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and forgot. When the package was wrapped, the woman, who was back in the cab, was blocked by a delivery truck; all the while Daisy was getting dressed. The delivery truck pulled away and the taxi was able to move, while Daisy, the last to be dressed, waited for one of her friends, who had broken a shoelace. While the taxi was stopped, waiting for a traffic light, Daisy and her friend came out the back of the theater.
And if only one thing had happened differently, if that shoelace hadn’t broken, or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier, or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier, or that taxi driver hadn’t stopped for a cup of coffee, or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would’ve crossed the street, and the taxi would’ve driven by.
But life being what it is- a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone’s control- that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted, and that taxi hit Daisy, and her leg was crushed.”
Our lives are composed of this. One moment after another, 6,874,988,830 different people all playing their role. In a sense I am grateful for this. Every person has contributed to my life. Every person in one way or another has helped to shape who i have become. I may not know you, or ever will i have the chance to meet you, but thank you. Thank you to the friends i do know. to the peers i had a class with. to the boy who held open the door for me everyday before he died. thank you to the old man who gave me directions when i was lost last night. and to the girl who told me to choose the reeses over the butterfinger. or to the pizza delivery boy who gave me parmesean without me having to ask. to my old teacher who gave me 5 extra minutes on my test. thank you to the guy who told me the time today when i was running late, or the man who told me his story on his way back to illinois, where he would meet his baby girl in 4 weeks. thank you to my mother for loving me, or to the dog that saved my life. to the soldier that gave me a teddy bear yesterday. and to the friend that told me no, even when i thought i was right. thank you to the survivors that showed me courage, and to the deaf girl that showed me hope. to the boy that showed me love, and to the boy that showed me hate.
Without you i would have never have written this post. and you would have never read it. which means you would have never thought about that boy who holds the door open for you everyday. or that one teacher who snuck you inextra time, or the delivery boy who gave you parmesean without you even asking. or the person who will give you directions to the store, where you will meet the girl who will tell you to pick reeses over the butterfinger. where your in line and a men tells you his story as he is buying a doll for his daughter he will meet in 4 weeks. the same man who made you late, and a kind guy will tell you the time, so you can run to class to take your test, but your late so the teacher gives you extra time- this is how we are intertwined. this is how even though i have not met you, i know you and you know me. we are all one. one being. one person. we are the “matter that flows from place to place, and momentarily comes together to be you.”
Get To Know Me In 30 Days
1:12 AM
Day 1 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 2 — Your parents
Day 3 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone that changed your life
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Your Best Friend
Day 29 — Your Crush
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
What To Do?
1:08 AM Letting go is probably the hardest thing a person ever has to do. Whether it be a job, a death, a conflict, a friend, or a lover- anything is easier. We do it everyday, just let things fly right by us. But it’s when we have to consciously make the decision is when it becomes nearly impossible. It’s ironic how in most situations it’s to benefit you in some way or another, but to get that benefit one must always sacrifice a part of their heart.
And that’s why I’m writing this; today i lost a part of me.
It’s fair to say if i may, a quote by Oscar Wilde. “The Heart Was Made to Be Broken.” The past month i’ve watched three friends be taken advantage of and mistreated by their boyfriends. But in respect to them, that is all i will say. I can promise you what happened to all three was not at all trivial, but because i owe them their privacy i will not go into detail. Aside from those three friends, i’ve seen every single person i love and care about get hurt in their lifetime. To say it’s inevitable is naive. But it has really come to let me think that all men are the same.
I know its unfair to group all men in a catagory like that, but none has ever proven me wrong. Behind every untrusting and broken girl is a man who made her that way. I can say from first hand experience, been there, done that. I’ve been in love for almost a year and a half now. This was my second great love. My first- was my first, and obviously those who have experienced that know the jist of it. “You never forget your first love.” A very common and cliche quote. But when i compare my first and now my second, i can honsetly say it comes down between lust vs. love. My first was a little girl high school crush, that was highly influenced by hormones and inexperience. Devastated when it ended- as we all were, thought i was nevergoing to live without him. Well here i am and in great condition. After a few rendezvous and made-to-fail petty relationships, and a summer of love i started learning what love really felt like with number two. But i also learned what the world of adulthood was really like- chance.
Dating is like probability- I can easily compare it to my senior year statistics class. It is a series of trial and error’s, until you find the data that you’re looking for. But you always seem to find the perfect number, until they end up to be odd, or divided, imaginary, or in most cases with men, like to multiply their relationships by two. We shouldn’t need a calculator to have a successful relationship, because eventually the woman is going to run out of batteries, or become tired of playing the games. Which is the point in time i’m at right now.
But is it really that easy to just hit “clear”? Or even to just turn the calculator off? I am so well-practiced at telling my friends to end it. But how can i say that when i can’t follow my own advice? I’ve been in love for almost a year and a half now, and just don’t feel like i’m getting what i need. The fuse is not burning out, it’s just not being ignited anymore. I don’t get what i used to from him anymore, and everyday it hurts me more and more. Sometimes “I love you” just isn’t enough. Sometimes i need more than that, to feel it. Whoever says love isnt work is slightly unaware of the facts. Any solid, loving relationship takes time and effort. But when both people aren’t feeling the appropriate reciprocation, it can never be.
Sometimes i feel that him and i are at different stages in our lives, preventing us from growing together. But it shouldn’t be that way. I just feel that i am being left behind. And after having a series of serious conversations about it, it is not changing- And that’s when the calculator must be turned “off.” But its so hard and makes me cry just thinking about it. I want to believe that it’s a rough spot and that i am simply overacting and just overwhelmed with other factors in my life. But i can’t continue this way much longer. It hurts me, more than you can imagine- feeling like you’re slowly losing someone. But as of now, i am going to continue to pretend that i cannot find the “off” button. I’m still in love, and have been, and will be for a very long time. But I hurt, just like my three other friends. Maybe it will turn out to be simply a bunch of common insecurities that us woman share. Maybe one of our guys will come through- And hopefully it’s mine so i can prove myself wrong… Because honestly, I was never good at math to begin with.
Lesson For Today (2)
7:13 PM “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve happened… Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
–Tupac Shakur
Lesson For Today (1)
3:34 AM “There is always that one friend, that never truly leaves your side. Through thick and thin, every up and down, no matter how far the distance is, if you ever needed anything they would be there in a heartbeat. Even if you don’t talk much, or even if you don’t talk at all, they see the best in you and only want the best for you. Even though you can hardly agree, and can never see eye-to-eye, they are that one friend who you always fight with, because to them you are the only thing worth fighting for. Even if you don’t see it now, someday you will realize how much they care about you and how much they really do mean to you; and when that day comes, be sure to let them know.”
–Kendra Hessel
